Sorry, it's a long one, but need to get it all out...
It’s been about 12 days since IM France, and I am still trying to make sense of it all… being my first Ironman, I didn’t really know what to expect, but I do know that my expectations were not met, which is disappointing to me. So, what worked? What didn’t work? What happened? Let’s see if I can put this experience into words.
Pre-Race:
Garren and I arrived in Nice on Wednesday morning. Flights went smoothly, luggage arrived safely (even though the bike box was open and a bit torn up). There is only a 2 hour time difference between Dubai and Nice, so that wasn’t an issue to contend with. The weather in Nice was great compared to Dubai – cool(er) and comfortable. As soon as we arrived, we took a car and toured the 180km bike course with some other athletes. It was nice to see the course, but I was never worried about the climbing, and seeing it firsthand didn’t change my mind. In fact, I was pretty over it about halfway, when I started getting carsick from all the twists and turns. We had to stop a number of times so I could get out of the car and get some fresh air… not fun. It made me wish I was on my bike instead of in the car. So – did the course tour help? Can’t say it did, can’t say it didn’t. It was good, but I don’t think it was necessary. It was never really a concern of mine.
On Thursday, we went down to the swim area to test the waters. It was so much nicer and cooler than the water in Dubai, and it felt great to be in the water. Garren and I rode for about 1 ½ hours after that, exploring the coast and navigating the busy, narrow roads. While the traffic was a bit stressful for me, the ride was good and my legs were feeling ready to go. Plus the scenery was amazing. After the ride, we had a short run, and then headed to registration. It was so nice to get my first Ironman wristband, probably my most exciting pre-race moment. After being on the sidelines for so many I felt as though I was finally part of the show.
The next two days lasted FOREVER. We took a trip into Cannes on Friday, which was really just to kill time, but I can’t say that it was fun or enlightening. We swam both Fri and Sat mornings, but just short swims to get used to the pebbly beach and my suffocating wetsuit. I had a short ride on Sat, and almost got run over by an old French dude in a car…that wasn’t cool, but the run after was good and I felt ready to go. Looking back, it was nice to have that much time before the race. We really had nothing to do so I was a bit bored and ansy, but if it was shorter I might have been a little stressed out. Good news is that I was never really nervous, mostly just ready to race.
Race Day:
Early morning breakfast consisted of a pb and nutella sandwich, a staple before all of my early am training rides. Our hotel was only about 100m from the start/finish/transition area, which was super nice and convenient. The line to get into transition was however, not so convenient. We stood in line for at least 10 minutes – and that made me sick to my stomach. Standing in a tight crowd, watching the minutes on my watch tick away, worrying that I wasn’t going to have enough time to get ready. But I eventually made it into transition, checked my bike, pumped up my tires, and proceeded to don the wetsuit. Rebecca and I walked down to the beach together, arm in arm – our months of training together finally put to the test. It was exciting and emotional for both of us, and I am so glad that she was there for everything – the training, the race, everything. Garren too… but his role would come to light later in the day.
I am usually sick to my stomach before the swim. As I’ve said before, I don’t care much for the swim – but I felt confident going into this one. I was comfortable and knew what I wanted to do, so I anxiously awaited for the gun to go off. Once fired, we all hobbled down the pebble beach and into the cool water. Feet, arms thrashing all around me – I fought back, and didn’t let any of that get into my head. It took some time to get into a rhythm but my breathing and my stroke finally evened out and before I knew it I was being pulled along with the crowd. There were two laps of the swim course – one was 2400m, the other 1400m. I knew all along that once the 2400m lap was over, it was money in the bank. So, when I got out of the water after the first loop, I just smiled and knew I was almost there. The second loop went quickly, and I continued to feel comfortable in the water. My goal was to go under 1:20 in the swim. I figured every second I could get under 1:20 would be one more second to use for my run, and would get me closer to my overall goal. I came out of the water, looked at my watch. 1:18. I couldn’t help but smile and do a mini arm pump in celebration.
Transition was at least 400 meters long, if not more, but no problem. Took a quick bathroom stop, jumped on the bike and headed out into the mountains of southern France. I was looking forward to this part – I’ve been ready to attack this course since I started training. Bring on the hills! This course had over 2400m of climbing, including a 10% climb at the 20km mark, and a 20km steady climb from 50-70km. I knew once I completed the 20km climb the hard work was over. I went out steady, cruising around 30-33km/hr. Everyone was flying by me, and it was all I could do to just focus on my race and stay easy and consistent. I knew there was a lot of race ahead and I had to be patient. The first climb came quickly as everyone pounded up the 500 meter hill. The course wound through a variety of small villages in the countryside. It was a beautiful course – we rode over cobblestone, through narrow alleys, around sharp corners, just as I pictured a ride through France to be. The 20km climb came soon enough – and that’s where I found my strength. I pedaled steady, heart rate remaining between 155 and 165. Although 165 seems quite high, my breathing was completely under control and comfortable. I was talking with a guy from Belgium for most of the climb. All of those people that flew by me in the first 20km I caught on the climb – they were struggling, breathing hard, sweating, I felt great. I reached the top of the climb around 3 hours into the ride, and was very happy with the time and how I felt. Another smile and mini celebration. The rest of the ride was mostly winding downhill, but with some good 3-5km climbs every once in awhile. I hate descending with a passion, and was passed on every downhill, but I always caught them once it flattened out or we began to climb again. If I could descend worth a lick I would have taken at least 20 minutes off of my ride time… oh well. As the ride continued, I felt stronger and stronger. My legs never felt weak – I was always eager to climb, gaining confidence and strength with each pedal stroke. My goal was to be off the bike in under 7 hours. I think my bike time was around 6:50. Ten minutes more for the run… another mini arm pump. Bring on the run – I am almost there!
Needless to say, I was feeling really good going into the run. My swim and bike had gone according to plan, even better than I expected. My nutrition was solid, I was happy, I felt strong. I had about 4 hours and 50 minutes to run a marathon and I would be under my goal of 13 hours. No problem! But the marathon that was to come ended up being the most frustrating, disappointing and one of the most emotionally challenging events of my life. Even as I write this, it brings tears to my eyes, just as it did in the hours and days after the race. So here goes:
I made it through T2, smiling, talking with the volunteers. Took a look at the official clock, and knew what I needed to do to meet my goal. My legs were a bit wobbly, but I knew they would come around soon enough. The run consisted of 4 x 10km+ loops on an out and back course. There was an aid station about every 1.7km. I made it to the first one, took a sip of water and felt my stomach sloshing a bit. I knew it meant that I had taken in too much. I saw Garren just before the next aid station - I was still smiling and optimistic. We stopped and chatted for a second and I told him that my stomach was a bit upset. He told me to just take sips of water until it settled. I agreed that it sounded like the right thing to do, and continued on. I stopped at the next aid station to use the restroom and empty out my system. The sloshing seemed to stop, but I started to feel the nausea creep in. I made it to the next aid station, and tried to drink some more water, but every sip made me feel more and more nauseous. I continued to run the first lap trying to drink at each aid station, but each sip made me feel like vomiting. Fuel was not an option at this point – just the thought of it was making me feel ill. I survived my first lap in a decent time – I think it was around 1:10. I knew that if I ran each lap at that speed, I would still reach my target time. But at this point, I had gone over an hour without any food and very little water, and was over 9 hours into the race and was running on empty.
The second lap started ok, but I felt my energy levels diminishing. The nausea wouldn’t pass, even when I walked it was there. Sometimes it felt better when I walked, sometimes it felt better when I ran. I made it to the next aid station and knew I needed to take in some water, but still couldn’t stomach it. I sat down for a second on the curb to let my stomach settle. I felt better when sitting, but still felt ill. I got up and continued on. I tried to run, but was dizzy from low fuel and water, I tried to walk but was nauseous. I tried to make myself vomit, sticking my fingers down my throat, but could only dry heave because there was nothing in my stomach. For the next 2 laps of the course, I laid down at every single aid station - that was the only position I could be in without feeling dizzy or sick. It was a struggle just to get to the next aid station – 1.7km felt like 5 miles; even though I could see the flags it felt so far away. I even started laying down in between aid stations because I didn’t think I was going to make it to the next one. I staggered from one to the next, feeling like I was going in and out of consciousness. I had volunteers swooning around me when I laid down offering me food and water. Very nice people, but I wanted them to go away and I wanted to just lay there and sleep for a minute, hoping to wake up and feel better. I tried drinking Coke, and would often take a cup of Coke and a cup of water and go and sit in the shade and try to drink a little of each. Still no better. People kept shouting words of encouragement at me from the side, most of them in French, but the phrase I heard most was “Courage Jenifer.” By the time I had finished the third lap, I was over 5 hours into the run. I started to get emotional. I ran past the finish line as I started my fourth lap and just started crying. I wanted so badly to be finished. It was so hard to run past the finish line and hear the announcer and know that I was still so far away. It was at that time that I saw Garren. I went to him and just put my head on his shoulder and started bawling. I told him that I just wanted to be done, I felt so sick – I couldn’t do anything to make myself feel better. I had tried everything, sips of water, coke – tried to take some Gu, tried an orange, it all just made me feel sick. He asked me if I wanted to quit, but I could only think about all the suffering I had done until that point and I couldn’t imagine quitting with one lap to go. He had checked out his bike from transition and rode next to me as I walked to the next aid station. He gave me his coat because I was freezing, and had been for several hours. I tried running a little, walked some more, sat down some more, cried some more. At the next aid station, I asked Garren to go to the turn around and wait for me and I would try to run there. I was able to make it most of the way running, walked a little, but managed to not sit down until I got to Garren. I sipped some water and laid in the grass next to him. I got up again and decided to run to the next aid station and he would be there again waiting for me. I managed to run to the next one, and didn’t stop, but said to Garren that I was going for broke, and was going to run the whole way back even if it killed me. As I ran, I kept burping and vomiting little bits of liquid into my mouth, but I didn’t care anymore. I was over it and was getting closer to the end. I walked for about 100meters with about 2km to go and then continued to run the rest of the way across the finish line and straight into the medical tent. Through tears I tried to explain to the doctor that I had just been on the marathon course for over 7 hours with no food or water, he checked my blood pressure and saw it was really low and gave me an IV. I laid there on the cot with my visor pulled down over my eyes, crying uncontrollably, thinking about the race. I was so disappointed. How did that happen? How could I be feeling so good going into the run and have it go so terribly? All of that work I had done in preparation and I didn’t even get a chance to run. I didn’t even care that I had finished, I was just so disappointed with the result.
It has taken some time for me to get my head around this race. Yes I finished, and I am proud of that, but I know that I am capable of more, and that’s the frustrating part. In the days after the race, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The high, the low – such an emotional swing. I wanted that day back. I wanted to race again. I was ready to go. It’s been about 10 days since the race and I’m still having difficulty with it. I still get upset when I think about, but I am able to at least talk about it when people ask. I haven’t checked my time or splits on the results page – I don’t want to know how long the marathon actually took, or my final time.
So, what went wrong?
I made 2 mistakes in T2 that I didn’t think about until after it was all over, and those 2 mistakes might have made the difference between a happy and a frustrated stomach. Just before T2, with about a km to go on the bike, I had 15 minutes of fuel remaining in my bottle, and I drank all of it thinking that I needed to get as much fuel in me as I could before the run. That alone would have probably been ok, but I went through T2 and took a couple of salt pills and washed them down with some water. I have taken salt pills on the run before because I am often caked in salt post ride or run. The problem is that my nutrition also has salt in it – so the double dose of salt and the added fuel just wasn’t making my stomach happy. And that’s it really. So simple. I probably could have taken in more water on the ride, but I was definitely well fueled and had a smart, under control ride.
What’s next?
Hulaman – I will be in Oregon in August and Garren and I plan to race the ½ IM there. I am hoping to do another Ironman sometime very soon, maybe December??? We are also thinking about Singapore 70.3 in April. We will see what time and the budget allows....
